Lupus... what.

Me. I was diagnosed with Lupus...

Definition: Lupus is a chronic inflammatory disease that occurs when your body's immune system attacks your own tissues and organs. Inflammation caused by lupus can affect many different body systems — including your joints, skin, kidneys, blood cells, brain, heart and lungs.

Chronic, as in, it will not go away. As of now, only my joints and skin are being "attacked." Things could change. Who knows.

I had been wondering what was wrong with me for awhile. It started after Parker was born. My joints had been hurting for a few years, but it was after I had Parker that I felt like something was a little more serious. I went to a rheumatologist, but he told me I just had tendonitis, he never did blood work, and to just take ibuprofen and get enough sleep. Getting sleep, of course, hasn't happened for almost 6 years. Ha ha. I went on with life, taking ibuprofen when it was really bad. Daniel didn't like me taking it all the time, but sometimes I hurt too much to fall asleep.

Then I got pregnant with Bensen. I got a lot worse. I couldn't take anything because I was pregnant. It was a very hard pregnancy. I was glad to have more ibuprofen after he was born. Oh, and vicodin from my doctor! :)

Then we moved to Texas. After a few months, I felt like I needed to have another baby. I did not want to get pregnant again. I still remembered how hard it was to have Bensen. I was also depressed about moving to Houston and did not feel like it was a good time to have a baby. But I was wrong because I got pregnant anyway. I really felt like Heavenly Father wanted me to have that baby right then. I did not feel ready.

Addie's pregnancy was grueling. I was in so much pain. It was hard physically and mentally. I felt like such a bad mother and wife because it was too hard to move and take care of my other kids and husband. I wanted my mom to come and live with me. I wanted Daniel to never go to work. I cried A LOT. Daniel gave me many Priesthood blessings to comfort me. I got sick with colds and coughs that lasted weeks and weeks.

After Addie was finally born, I felt better mentally. I felt better physically, but not as good as I had hoped. My feet were doing quite awful. But I learned to deal with it and moved on. Taking ibuprofen during the worst times so that I could sleep. Eventually, I started to get worse though. I read about tendonitis a little more on-line and decided that I did not have it. I thought it was arthritis. I talked to my Grandma, who has rheumatoid arthritis and she said I could have blood work done and then I would know for sure. So, in September, Daniel talked me into going to the doctor.

The physician had blood work done. I tested positive for an auto-immune disorder. I didn't even know what that meant. He sent me to a rheumatologist.

I met with the rheumatologist and she had more blood work done. Sometime in October, I went back and after all the tests and symptoms I discussed with her, she diagnosed me with lupus. I was kinda shocked, I guess. I don't know, what are you supposed to think???

When I finally got home, after picking up Parker from school and stuff, I cried to Daniel about not being able to have more babies. I had decided after Addie was born that I shouldn't have any more babies. I didn't think I could physically do it again. But I had started wanting a baby quite badly recently but had started feeling worse. 


After I was diagnosed with lupus, it felt more absolute. I cried because I wanted two more babies. I cried because I know I am very blessed to have my four kids. Miscarriages are very common with lupus. My rheumatologist wasn't sure I had lupus because I had not had any miscarriages, but the blood work and other symptoms showed otherwise. I knew for certain that Heavenly Father made it possible for me to have my 4 children. Our little family does feel complete, but I still want another baby.


Daniel had looked up lupus and read about it before I got home. I think reading the symptoms helped him to understand me better over the past few years. I did worry that I was being a big, fat baby about all my complaining. I tried really hard to keep all the complaining to myself. I think the only thing that Daniel is happy about is that I should not have more children. He loves our kids, but he did not love me when I was pregnant.

I feel okay about having lupus because there are lots of people with much worse diseases, or even worse cases of lupus. Lots of other people deal with much worse things. But I still don't want to have to take steroids someday if I have flare ups that are worse (I am still in the early stages of the disease, luckily). Every lupus case is very different. I feel blessed that my case is slow progressing and so far, is not affecting my organs. I just don't want the steroids. Terrible side effects. I have seen what they do to others. I also don't want the ugly rash on my face. (Tami, maybe you could just get me some of those gloves. lol.)

But life will go on. I will just be tested regularly throughout life to see what it is or isn't doing to my body. I have to take a pill twice a day with food. I am not good at it so Daniel has set an alarm on my phone that goes off twice a day. The first morning it went off I thought it was some emergency vehicle outside and was freaking out until I realized it was coming from my phone. Ha Ha! The alarm is a most annoying sound.


The medication has started to help with my joint pain. I can run now without being in so much pain and it has felt fantastic. And I am able to type all this without crying! Amazing. I still beg Daniel to rub my feet though. Poor Daniel.

I am glad to know what is wrong with me. I am glad that I wasn't just feeling lazy, but had chronic fatigue because of this disease. I couldn't figure out why it was so hard to make myself do things. I was barely making it some days. I am grateful for modern medicine. I am very grateful for my husband and my four beautiful children. I thank my Heavenly Father more fervently for those kids now. I am grateful for my family and great friends. I am grateful for life. What more could I ask for.  :)

Halloween

On Saturday before Halloween, we went to our friend's house, the Zimmerman's to eat and play. We ate outside and the kids played. Then the kids watched Spookley the Pumpkin.

Then on Sunday we had dinner with some other friends and then dessert at Brittany and Matt's house.

AND then we got to go trick-or-treating! We went with some of our neighbors.

Staucie and Sophie, who lives next door.

 My little pun'kin.

 The baseball players. Bensen wouldn't smile :)

 After we got back.

 Diving into their loot.

 She is saying "cheese."

My neighbor asked me what I do with my kids' candy... and then she told me her daughter gets to pick two pieces and then they give the rest to her dad who takes it to work... I said, "I let them eat a lot of it and Daniel and I eat it too." She and her mother-in-law looked shocked...

Happy Candy Eating!

Trunk or Treat

Let the fun begin! We had a really fun Halloween weekend. On Friday night we had our Trunk-or-Treat at the church. The kiddies were so excited and looked adorable in their costumes!

The had so much fun getting candy. Addie loved it too and ran around in circles a lot.
Then we hung out in the Zimmerman's truck to help Tami pass out candy.

Daniel's sister Lindsay was visiting with her cute little girl, Aurora.

And I tried to take a picture of Matt and Brittany with their kids, but the first picture I took didn't focus because it was dark and then Noah was done taking pictures. So, here they are without Noah!

I think Addie was having too much fun...

Another eye surgery...

Addie met with her opthalmologist in October after 3 months of patching her good eye everyday for a couple hours.  The good news is that she is using her weaker eye more. But the bad news is that the crossing of the eye is still measuring the same. This means another eye surgery. She will have the crossing measured again in January to make sure it is stabilized and then we will schedule another surgery. I know that kids have to go through things all the time and are worse off then my Addie, but I am still heartbroken. Her aunt Lindsay had the same kind of problem when she was a little girl, and Lindsay's eyes look perfectly normal and beautiful so I have some hope that Addie's eye is fixable. Lindsay has some vision loss, but has a working eye that looks normal. Plus, Lindsay was older so maybe Addie has better odds. I don't know. Just rambling now... Love you, my sweet girl who gives the best hugs and snuggles!

Addie at her appointment!

Staucie needs a pumpkin

Well, Staucie needed a pumpkin too. So, after school we went to a church by our house that sells pumpkins outside and we ran around and picked some pumpkins.

Addie liked all the little ones and called them "apples."

She also like this scary one and kept trying to pick it up.

And then I had to get a picture in front of this set up they have because I did last year too. Addie was mad at me though...

This is from last year. October 2010.

Pumpkin Patch Field Trip

Parker's Preschool class had a field trip to a pumpkin patch before Halloween. I believe the place is called The Old Christmas Tree Farm. They had lots of trees growing there. I took this picture with my camera and then the battery died. So the rest of the pictures are with my phone. It was hot except the day we went. It was nice not to be hot, but the wind was pretty cold. We were so used to the heat!

We rode on a hayride to a playground to play.

This is Parker on the hayride. (And Miss Candy with her eyes closed. Sorry Candy!)

The kids played, looked at pigs and goats, and then we had lunch.

After we played some more we got to go on a train/tractor ride back to the front of the farm.

When we got back we picked a pumpkin to take home.

Then the kids climbed all over the pumpkins and had a blast!

Fun Run

For a fundraiser at Staucie's school they did a Boosterathon Fun Run. Some company or something did it for the school. The kids had to get pledges for the number of laps they were going to run. Staucie was really excited to run. I also learned that some kids do not like running. But our Staucie was so excited about. Her Grandma Lees sponsored her. We only had one "pledger" because I felt so guilty asking for money from people. We knew Grandma Lees would enjoy being involved.

 Grandma donated a flat fee which was good because Staucie ran 39 laps. She could have done a few more, but they were supposed to run between 25-35 laps in a certain time and when I saw that she had run 39 laps, I asked her if she wanted to stop. She said, "sure." So, we got some water and hung out until she had to go back to class. It was nice. I left my other kids at Aunt Brittany's.

 Staucie loved it. So thanks, Grandma Lees, for supporting her so she could R-U-N!